If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
