and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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