Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
