she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
