The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
