I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
