Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize