I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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