Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
someone owes me an orgasm
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
