he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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