the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
