i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
