So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
