it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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