at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
