My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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