why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I stole a fireplace last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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