just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
