Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize