the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
