I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize