Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
