My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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