youre lurking in front of me
I am midnight drunk by noon
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i now understand why vodka
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
