Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
