Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
