guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
