Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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