so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
