i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I love having hate sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
