You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
