Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
