Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
