The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize