so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
