this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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