we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
