3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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