I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
