and she was petting her beer can
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize