Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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