Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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