just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
