why didn't you poke me back
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
tell me about the eggs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
