Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
