need another drink. this is the easiest way
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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