my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just invented taco cereal.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
