The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
