Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
