so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize