Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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