U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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