I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
