So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
