shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I supernannyed him into submission
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
