I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
