dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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