the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
