I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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