You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
there is glitter all over my balls
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
