Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
