We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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