Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
