Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize