wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
