Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
