Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
