i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
