Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
