So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
