me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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