Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Even my vagina gasped.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
