u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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