whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
