I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
