Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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